Hi, hello, and welcome from my suburban desk and its bag of Brownie Brittle, because all the diet moms on Pinterest can have my enriched wheat flour when they pry it out of my ever-chubbening hands.

Are you still glowery over splitting the Cardinals series? So am I. But Marty and Cowboy have some good advice for you. (Link also includes advice from me, specifically: “No! We should not ask Tony Kentwood to the freshman Girls Athletic Association Dance!”)

Starting Pitchers

E Lauer 114.2 4.55 93 1.40 23
T Bauer  172.2 4.12 204 1.25 27

The biggest news from today’s pitching matchup is that it consists of LAUER VS BAUER, everyone, and we all need to pause reflect deeply on this for the great spiritual enlightenment this offers.


I know we have a bullpen, but I’m not entirely sure who’s still in it. I also don’t like your chances of getting information from me about San Diego’s.

Starting Lineups


  1. P Ervin (R) CF
  2. J Iglesias (R) SS
  3. E Suárez (R) 3B
  4. A Aquino (R) RF
  5. P Ervin (R) LF
  6. J Peraza (R) 2B
  7. K Farmer (R) 1B
  8. T Barnhart (S) C
  9. T Bauer (R) P

Heathen Californians

  1. G Garcia (L) 2B
  2. J Naylor (L) LF
  3. M Machado (R) 3B
  4. E Hosmer (L) 1B
  5. H Renfroe (R) RF
  6. F Mejía (S) C
  7. W Myers (R) CF
  8. L Urías (R) SS
  9. E Lauer (R) P

Lefty vs. righty this evening, if you’re into that kind of thing.

UPDATE: Senzel is out with a sore left elbow. He’s replaced with Ervin. FInd out who to blame for this and then get back to me so I can be angry with many capital letters on Twitter.

News and Notes

-MLB Spring Training schedules are out; Doug has the rundown here. But the date for the Reds’ start doesn’t matter because the 2020 season began a month ago, when in the 6th inning Mahle began gently rolling the ball on the ground directly into the entirety of the Cardinals entire batting order.

-Joey Votto is still on the DL.

-Aquino is not on the DL.

-Which is the better Netflix original programming pitch?

LAUER VS BAUER, a buddy cop show. One is by the book and one doesn’t play by the rules – LAUER VS BAUER, a sitcom about a divorced couple. They’re both laywers! And they have to work together! In the same office!! lol.