Postponed. STUPID RAIN.

A double header will be played August 31st at 1:15pm ET and 7:15pm ET.

Don’t start with me today. I weigh one million pounds and am out of Advil, nobody likes me, there are no lightning bugs in my yard, and the humidity is one hundred million percent, thereby negating the warm weather I’ve been awaiting since the beginning of time. Now there’s some new guy we just drafted whose name sounds like a text abbreviation, Lolololololol or something. He will disappoint, no doubt.

Maybe I’ll come back in and fill in cheerful life-affirming content at some point in the second inning. But I doubt it. You’ll get semi-ironic headlines and that’s about it and you’ll like it.

Starting Pitchers

Pitcher ERA WHIP IP SO W L
Anthony DeSclafani 4.97 1.34 54.1 55 2 3
Dakota Hudson 3.94 1.58 59.1 42 4 3

REDS

We’re probably going to lose.

POOPING BIRDS

This pitcher, judging by the name, is either a pole dance instructor or the latest baby name trend out of Hyde Park.

Bullpen

Don’t do an image search for the word “bullpen.”

Do. Not.

Starting Lineups

REDS

  1. Nick Senzel (R) CF
  2. Joey Votto (L) 1B
  3. Eugenio Suárez (R) 3B
  4. Derek Dietrich (L) 2B
  5. Jesse Winker (L) LF
  6. Yasiel Puig (R) RF
  7. Jose Iglesias (R) SS
  8. Tucker Barnhart (S) C
  9. Anthony DeSclafani (R) P

POOPING BIRDS

Their Majesties the St. Louis Cardinals, apparently having missed the memo not start to with me today, have not yet deigned to provide their starting lineup by the deadline, so whatever. They ain’t care so I ain’t either.

Oh wait, look who decided to show up right before I hit publish. OH WOW THANKS CARDINALS WE’RE SO HONORED TO BE IN YOUR HOLY PRESENCE.

  1. Matt Carpenter (L) 3B
  2. Paul DeJong (R) SS
  3. Paul Goldschmidt (R) 1B
  4. Marcel Ozuna (R) LF
  5. Dexter Fowler (S) RF
  6. Kolten Wong (L) 2B
  7. Matt Wieters (S) C
  8. Harrison Bader (R) CF
  9. Dakota Hudson (R) P

News and Notes

-If you would like to cast a rude, anti-feminist, judgemental assumption about my mood based on the natural cycles of womanhood, you would probably be correct.

The Major League Baseball draft is now officially completed. There were 40 rounds. Doug Gray has scouting reports and more on all 40 players that were selected by the Cincinnati Reds.

27 Responses

  1. Jazzmanbbfan

    I enjoy the writing on this site but you are by far the most entertaining. Whenever I see your name attached to something I start reading and am never disappointed.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      ALL OTHER REDLEG NATION WRITERS: (construct thoughtful articles based on facts, stats, study, knowledge of game, careful consideration)

      ME: Guys I think my period’s coming

      PS thanks 🙂

  2. FreeHouse

    Homeruns have been killing Disco. If he keeps the ball out of the stands I say Reds have a great shot of winning today and taking the series. Let’s beat these Birds!

  3. Lwblogger2

    I <3 you Mary Beth… Josh the Pilot, if in town, should be there with some Haagen Dazs soon… Or hopefully he will.

    • Lwblogger2

      Big headache due to the brain freeze. That won’t help at all. Take is slowly, just as you said.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Well thanks. But Josh The Pilot is wisely about five states away at the moment.

      Haagen Daz, along with Godiva, is one of the biggest letdowns of my life. Graeters all day every day.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      There you go. One of the few ice creams on the planet worth the calories: Graeters mint chip or CC chip and UDF cookie dough. Wicked.

  4. Bill Hedges

    Well, judging by the pole dancer instructor reference – we should get plenty of singles tonight.

    Keep it up MB, you had me at Nick LOL.

  5. Indy Red Man

    All Hail MBE!! I think the Reds have to be atleast 4-5 games over .500 when you lead the way!! Lets keep it going!!

    I asked for Puig on RLN a few years ago and it happened. I also asked for Avi Garcia last year when he was hurt and then he came into GABP and went off. In 3 games he went 6-13 with a double, 3 bombs, and 2 walks. In 2017 he hit .330 with 18 hrs. He’s hitting .300 with 11 hrs (.892 ops) this year. He’s even 6 of 8 with steals this year! He’s on a 1 yr deal w/Tampa for 6 mil and he’ll be 28 next week. Tampa is going to the playoffs so they won’t deal him mid-season, but he’s really a guy to target for next year! He’s much closer to Winker then Puig defensively, but we need consistent runs!

    • Indy Red Man

      Check that. He got 3.5 mil with Tampa. He’s had some injury issues, but then again so has Puig in the past. What would Avi demand for next year? My guess is 2 yrs for $22 mil?

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Even the weather knew not to try me today #Hail

  6. Michael Smith

    MB you are pure gold. I am disappointed that my bullpen image search did not end up on pinterest or the hub.

  7. JB WV

    You could be my daughters’ twin. Your post would serve better the day after a loss. Let’s get some positive mo goin, gang!!! Go Reds!! I hate the Cards!! Beat em to death!!

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      You daughter must be quite the delightful beauty.

  8. Doug Gray


    This game has been postponed. No make up date as of yet.

  9. Mary Beth Ellis

    That’s a wipeout folks.
    They knew better than to start with me. Told you so.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      Thank you.

      Please bring Advil

  10. Mary Beth Ellis

    That is condemning one’s child to a lifetime of khaki and arugula.

  11. Mary Beth Ellis

    Well thanks, but I refuse to menstruate more often to make this happen on an increased basis.

  12. Darrin

    Man, no baseball and I had to cancel my Cuba cruise today. Bummer.

    • Mary Beth Ellis

      one of these things is worse than the other

  13. Mary Beth Ellis

    Yep. I just finished today’s Game Thread about 15 minutes ago. Made the SP stat charts easy, I’ll tell ya that.