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Well, that was some scary shizz last night, fam.  The young season’s “They Tried to Blow It But Did Not” pile grows ever higher. Tipsy games ain’t where it at, but as long as they finish in our favor, I’ll take what we can get. The best news is that the Reds are increasingly showing the realization that runs in baseball came come from means other than depositing the ball outside the stadium and engaging in awesome all-team brawls over the matter. The Entenmann’s cheese-filled crumb coffee cake currently in my face agrees with me.

Starting Pitchers

Pitcher ERA WHIP IP SO W L
Tanner Roark 3.60 1.55 20.0 20 1 0
Mike Soroka 1.80 1.20 5.0 6 0 0

REDS
Tanner Roark was born when I was in the 3rd grade. I’ll allow it. There’s a dude in the MLB who was just drafted who was born in 2001 and I don’t care to think about that.

BRAVES

This Sorka fellow seems troublesome. He is from Canada, but not the weird part. He was born in Calgary, the pretty part. I wonder if he’s friends with Michael Buble and William Shatner and Votto. People from Canada automatically know all the other people from Canada, so I’ll make sure to ask him about it if we ever meet.

Bullpen

Our bullpen is kinda melty, but last night the Braves’ was even meltier. I’m OK with that.

Starting Lineups

REDS

1. Joey Votto (L) 1B
2. Eugenio Suarez (R) 3B
3. Jesse Winker (L) LF
4. Yasiel Puig (R) RF
5. Derek Dietrich (L) 2B
6. Tucker Barnhart (S) C
7. Phillip Ervin (R) CF
8. Tanner Roark (R) P
9. Jose Iglesias (R) SS
You like Votto in that one spot? You got him.

THE NOT REDS

1. Ozzie Albies (S) 2B
2. Josh Donaldson (R) 3B
3. Freddie Freeman (L) 1B
4. Ronald Acuna Jr. (R) LF
5. Nick Markakis (L) RF
6. Dansby Swanson (R) SS
7. Brian McCann (L) C
8. Ender Inciarte (L) CF
9. Mike Soroka (R) P

News and Notes

The biggest breaking story out of yesterday’s game was the fact that the Puig guys with the horse heads are back, and they somehow found dates:

Actually, these guys are tremendous and I want to party with them. If you’re gonna live the Power Stacks life, bring three friends to be the U-I-G.

In other important Puig news, THERE IS A BABY MINATURE THERAPY HORSE IN THIS WORLD NAMED AFTER HIM

ALSO BREAKING: Sonny Gray is a total cutie pie.

NOT NEWS BUT FURTHER EVIDENCE THAT JOEY VOTTO IS A GIFT UNTO ALL HUMANITY:

I leave you with an epic human drama in three acts:

 

 

18 Responses

  1. PhoenixPhil

    I posted this in last night’s game recap and didn’t see an answer, so I will post it again, sorry. 🙂

    I was at the game last night and noticed something that was (I thought) weird. During pitching changes Puig would go into the Reds bullpen. Anybody else see this or know why? My brother said, “I think he has the trots.”

  2. Mary Beth Ellis

    Oh yeah btw guys Winker and also Ervin are starting today. Way less important than the baby horse though

  3. Mary Beth Ellis

    people who aren’t are not my friend

  4. Mary Beth Ellis

    I like Sonny’s hair. He has nice hair and doesn’t look like a db in a backwards baseball cap. These are rare accomplishments. Let’s put him in the Reds HOF.

  5. CP

    Votto and Suarez are the best hitters on the team, and I’d rather have Votto hitting leadoff than Suarez. Those guys back-to-back are difficult to deal with.

    I think Senzel comes in and probably leads off, pushing Votto and Suarez to 2-3. Add in Puig and Winker at some combo of 4-5, and the Bell has probably created the most optimal lineup he could possibly create by actually having the best 5 hitters hit 1-5…something his predecessors consistently failed at doing.

    The traditional speedy/slappy leadoff hitter that Sliotar is referencing doesn’t really exist anymore. We tried to groom one and it didn’t work.

  6. CP

    Actually Sliotar didn’t reference the speedy/slappy type so that’s my bad. Still, there isn’t really another guy on this team suited to leadoff other than Winker, so I’m not sure who they are supposed to “groom” until Senzel is with the club.

  7. Mary Beth Ellis

    I’m very sad the horse head guys missed that catch

  8. Mary Beth Ellis

    I do not like this baseball game ANYMORE

  9. Mary Beth Ellis

    Chris Welsh just described Joey Votto as “squashed down,” in case you’re wondering how this ballgame is going

  10. BigRedMike

    Might be a tough loss allowing only 2 runs in a game started by Roark

    Offense just cannot get it going

    Garrett impressive again. 2 solid innings

  11. Curt

    Is it me or does Dietrich look like he just stepped out of the dugout for the 1986 Mets? 🙂

  12. Mary Beth Ellis

    YES I AM ALL THAT MATTERS HERE

  13. Mary Beth Ellis

    I’m already on to tonight’s episode of Property Brothers

    • Doug Gray

      Everybody Poops.

      This is the second time today that I’ve gotten to say this and I’m not sure I’ve been living my best life until today.

  14. Drrobo

    No! Put him back #3 where he is comfortable. He as much as said that a few days ago. Time to revert to lineup order resembling last year. What do they have to lose?

  15. Mary Beth Ellis

    This is one of the many benefits of following the Reds. You tend to hit your daily poop-related vocabulary quotas early and often. It’s enriching for both young and old.