Random, worthless facts and clown-like observations

This piece was submitted by Chris Esberger, known in our comments as Chuck Schick, and we’re happy to run it here at Redleg Nation.

As we enter the dog days of the Reds 15^th losing campaign over the past 20 seasons, I thought I would offer my special mix of random, mostly worthless facts and clown-like observations. I genuinely appreciate the great writing that permeates this site and the talented contributors who create such tremendous content. I believe that Patrick Jeter is actually a rocket scientist, while I am a former McNicholas Rocket…..who finished 135^th out of a class of 152.

While there may have been a few non-institutionalized people not related to Walt Jocketty who entered this season with a sense of optimism, most Reds fans seemed to approach the season as a six-month root canal endured while watching a perpetual loop of Buddy’s Carpet Barn commercials. However, I decided to approach the season with a Vichy-like pragmatism.  IT’S OK TO BE BAD IF YOU’RE DEVELOPING FOR THE FUTURE…which of course is why 71 year-old Brandon Phillips has played every game that he wasn’t sedated and the Ghost of Alfredo Simon is still flying on charters, staying in 5 Star Hotels and collecting major league meal money.

I entered the season with four objectives for the Reds:

1. Develop the pitchers.
2. See If Billy Hamilton can achieve an OBP that matches Jumbo Diaz’s weight.
3. Wait for a frustrated, embittered Bryan Price to don a short sleeved white dress shirt and parade around GABP like Michael Douglas in Falling Down. The climatic confrontation scene with Jim Riggleman taking place on the Toyota Home Run Deck…like Dr. Richard Kimble and Dr. Alec Lentz at the end of The Fugitive. Somehow, Gapper dies in the melee.
4. Hope that, in a fit of desperation and dearth of ideas, the Reds marketing department creates a Bobble Head series that honors “The Holy Trinity” of back up catchers (Bill Plummer, Dave Van Gorder and Dann Bilardello).

As we sit here 5 months later, Objective #1 has been discussed more than the Kennedy Assassination; I am still hopeful that Objectives #3 and #4 can still come to fruition. I would like to address objective #2….Bill Hamilton.

Clown- Like Observation #1

Just counting games in which Hamilton has played, the Reds are 34-40 in games in which Billy Hamilton gets a hit. That is a Miley-Esque 74 win rate. They are a dreadful 16-29 in games in which he doesn’t get a hit….which is a 104 loss pace.

Listed below is how Billy Hamilton has performed during wins vs. his performance in losses:

Here is how Hamilton stacks up against a random assortment of players in Runs per Plate Appearance:

In summation, Hamilton has certainly improved his offensive skills and has become an extremely value component to the Reds success…..he also is a huge contributor to their lack of success. When he performs offensively, they are borderline decent. When he doesn’t, they are Saved By the Bell-The College Years awful. In general, one man doesn’t make that much of a difference….he does.

Random, Worthless Fact #1

In 2016, J.J. Hoover allowed a home run every 46 pitches.  Aroldis Chapman has allowed a home run every 418 pitches.

Clown-Like Observation #2

If Joey Votto had hit a home run every time he came to the plate this year (through 9/6) he would have 883 RBI.

If Addison Russell had hit a home run every time he came to the plate this year he would have 934 RBI..Despite having 42 fewer plate apperances than Votto

If Anthony Rizzo had hit a home run every time he came to the plate this year he would have 1,033 RBI…while only having 21 more plate appearances than Votto.

I guess having guys that get on base does matter.

Random, Worthless Fact #2

The Reds have a losing record every day of the week this year…..except Saturday. They are 12-10 with a positive run differential of 33.  They’re not bad on Fridays (10-12) and Tuesdays (9-10).

Sunday is obviously still viewed as a day of rest, as the Reds are 7-15 with a negative 45 run differential. Mondays (6-13) and Wednesdays (8-13) are Hall of Bad inductees as well.

Closing Clown-Like Observation

When the Reds lose, they average 3 runs per game and give up an astonishing 7. The Maginot Line was a more effective deterrent.

In victory, the Reds have averaged a whopping 6.40 runs and only give up a stellar 2.94.

What does any of this actually mean? When they’re good, they’re pretty good…and when they’re bad they’re Tracey Morgan as Hamlet bad.

Here’s to the Future.