The Reds are awful. They can’t hit and they can’t pitch. Worse, they make more mental mistakes than a t-ball team. They’re 7-11, and being outscored 82-112, they’ve actually won more than they “should” have.

Everybody wants to blame manager Dusty Baker. That’s too easy. I’m going to place the blame for this lousy start at the feet of one man: Miguel Jesus Cairo.

Cairo is 36 next week. He can’t hit (career 670 OPS), and he can’t field. He can’t run, and he has no power. Cairo was placed on this roster for one reason: He can work some sort of magic juju and “teach everyone how to win.”

Unfortunately, Cairo hasn’t been able to turn the Reds into the 2009 Phillies. Instead, he’s doing what he did to the 2008 Mariners (61-101). Maybe “proven winner” only works in odd-numbered seasons.

When he signed Cairo, GM Walt Jocketty said: “We have a relatively young bench, and Miguel’s a solid veteran player with experience on championship teams.”

Perhaps I’ve been too harsh. Cairo (like Scott Rolen, Ramon Hernandez, and Orlando Cabrera) has totally failed to “turn the Reds into winners.” But Cairo has done the job Jocketty promised – coaching young bench players. Young(-ish) benchwarmers Ryan Hanigan (1210 OPS) and Paul Janish 1127) are the only guys on the roster carrying their weight.

I take it all back. Miguel Cairo is one of the very few guys on the roster hitting a lick. His job is “overpaid coach wasting a roster spot,” but at least he’s doing it.