This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. I can’t find the link online, but here is how USA Today Sports Weekly reports the story:

The federal inmate who sued Michael Vick for $63 quadrillion had his lawsuit thrown out of court. So Jonathan Lee Riches filed another one, this time against Barry Bonds, Bud Selig, and “Hank Aaron’s bat.”

Riches charges include “bat assault,” major fraud, skimming the books, illegal moonshine, treason, talking, identity theft, illegal electronic wiretapping, and bad debt.

He asked for “42,000,000.00 million dollars in Swiss francs” from the defendants and alleges that “Mr. Selig on two occations (sic)…met Mr. Bonds at the I-70 Steak N Shake, Booth #11” to trade cash for steroids. Riches claims to have tapes made from a bug “planted in Booth #10, copies of which are now in the hands of Robert Novak and Judith Miller.”

He further alleges that Bonds used Aaron’s bat to crack the Liberty Bell and “on June 22, 2004, benched (sic) pressed me against my will to show off in front of his Ballpark Buddies.”

“I also witnessed Mr. Bonds selling steroids to nuns,” Riches writes in his handwritten suit, which goes on for 10 counts, including a charge that Bonds sent mustard gas to Saddam Hussein as part of “the oil for food scandal.”

The first link above is to the actual document at The Smoking Gun. Funny stuff.